5 Things I Love and 5 Things I Hate

I hate...

1. Political discussions. These can turn anyone into a psychotic, raging PMS-monster. When it comes to politics, everyone disagrees with everyone. Politics are the worst things to discuss with people unless you are being paid to do so. If there is no money involved, avoid political discussions at ALL costs or you will have no friends forever and die alone.

2. Onions. Onions are terrible. They are awful. They are the unhatched spawn of Satan himself. The juice is the toxic blood of Lucifer's hermaphrodite reproductive organs sent straight to your doomed stomach. I despise onions with the burning intensity of  a thousand suns plus an old wood stove.

3. Songs about sex, drugs, and/or alcohol. They just get annoying. Enough said.

4. Block. Any kind of block. Art block, writer's block, blog-block, whatever. I depend on my creative flow. I love my creative flow. I almost worship my creative flow. So when something blocks my creative flow, I spiral downward into a deep, dark abyss of emo-ness, helplessness, depression, and demons. Demons that throw onions at me. Then I become enveloped by the feelings of worthlessness and toilet brush. Toilet brush is a feeling because I think that toilet brushes probably hate their lives because they always have to clean other people's waste and I would hate my life too if I were a toilet brush so therefore toilet brush means the feeling of hating your life.

And 5. Tabloid magazines.

However, I love...

1. Seafood. Seafood tastes like angels having orgasms in my mouth. When I grow up, I think I would like to marry a seafood chef. I would be the happiest person alive ever.

2. Music. Music is the meaning of my life. It is my clothes, my dreams, my thoughts, my feelings, my friends, my personality, my socks, my food, my drink, my drug, and my dog. If there was no music, there would be no meaning. At all. Forever. And ever.

3. God (duh).

4. My friends. They are seriously some of the most entertaining people I have ever met. If I had to choose between making passionate love to a sexy, flaming chainsaw juggling European male model or hanging out with my crazy buds, I'd pick my pals over the model.

And, finally, 5. Animals. Cuz they rock hardcore. And they are better than you.