Grant vs. Edward Cullen (an Observation) (P.S. I'm Peeling a Carrot)

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Personality________________________________________________________________________
Edward: Smotheringly romantic, either serious or flirt-o-matic, obsessive, possessive, over-reactive, jealous, emo

Grant: Appropriately romantic, usually goofy, GIVES ME MY FUCKING SPACE, slightly possessive, minor anger issues, flexible (I don't ever hear of him getting jealous, so..), totally not emo in any way at all
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Hobbies__________________________________________________________________________
Edward: Talking to S.O. (Significant Other), flirting/cuddling with S.O., making out with S.O., singing to S.O., watching S.O. sleep, abusing giant wolves for S.O., leaving S.O. behind while traveling to a different country because he's "dangerous", wanting S.O. to grow old, impregnating S.O. with life-threatening baby

Grant: Talking to S.O., flirting and/or cuddling with S.O., playing video games, making funny faces, playing bass, cracking jokes, drawing, reading and/or watching Scott Pilgrim, watching flashes online, etc.
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Talents___________________________________________________________________________
Edward: Athletic, drives a car, has minty-fresh breath all the mother-fucking time, plays piano, can successfully stalk S.O. without creeping her out and/or scaring her away, can tear up the fucking headboard of the bed during intense vampy smex

Grant: Cartoon artist, finds humor in damn near everything, smells like concentrated awesome (his words, not mine), plays bass (and sometimes drums, apparently), can successfully stroke his own ego without becoming an overly-cocky bastard, can tear up the fucking awkward silences of intense discomfort during a pause in conversation
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Girlfriends_______________________________________________________________________
Edward: Awkward, insecure, average teenage girl with obsessive desire to spend every living second staring at, talking to, or smexing up S.O. Has no other identifiable personality traits.

Grant: Hyperactive, considerably outgoing, far-from-average teenage girl with desire to spend time but not every second with S.O. Is eccentric, artsy, worrisome, and occasionally spontaneous. Has an aversion to planning. Has slight avoidant  personality disorder and the tendency to give her personality traits (and subconscious) their own characters.
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Looks___________________________________________________________________________
Edward: In a nutshell: Supposedly "perfect". Has stand-on-end reddish brown hair, pale-as-fuck skin, gold or brown or some shit color eyes and impossibly red lips. Fucking sparkles.

Grant: In a nutshell: Pretty damn attractive (in that Dude-Kinda-Looks-Like-a-Stoner kind of way). Has impossibly thick emo/indie-style dark brown hair, pale (but not pale-as-fuck) skin, hazel eyes with crazy ring around pupil, and a goatee similar to Shaggy's. DOES. NOT. FUCKING. SPARKLE.
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Overall Rating of Awesomeness____________________________________________________
Edward:  2.5/10

Grant: 9/10 (No one gets a 10/10 unless they're God. Chuck Norris gets a 9.9999999999/10 at best.)

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Added notes: Edward is a blood-sucking glow-in-the-dark freckle-less ginger with a suicidally emo personality and extremely depressing family. I'd like to know how any woman can put up with that kind of bull shit for all of eternity. I mean, who wants a husband with a fucking glittery dick?