Tonight I am having the worst of nights.
Something that often happens to me is whenever I'm left alone for too long, I tend to think. And the things I tend to think are quite horrible.
I think that everyone closest to me finds me annoying and clingy. I think that I'm too dependent on the company of others. I think that I'm too sensitive. I think that no one cares about me as much as I would like. Sometimes I think almost no one cares about me at all. I think that I'm a nuisance, and I'm a horrible person, and I'm too selfish, and I'm boring, and I'm stupid, and I'm ugly, and I'm immature, and I'm never going to be truly happy, and I complain too much, and I'm too deep and emotional, and sometimes I'm too shallow, and I'm... I just really hate life sometimes.
So right now I feel hopelessly trapped in my own self-pity, and I feel like I'm almost tied to people who I've come to be very close to. Which is bad. I hate feeling this way because it makes me feel weak, and I think they'll leave me, and I'll be stuck with nothing and it will be all my fault.
I also feel the desperate urge to run from everyone I'm close to, just for that very reason. I don't want to become attached and vulnerable.
Oh, God, I just don't know what to do.....
Something that often happens to me is whenever I'm left alone for too long, I tend to think. And the things I tend to think are quite horrible.
I think that everyone closest to me finds me annoying and clingy. I think that I'm too dependent on the company of others. I think that I'm too sensitive. I think that no one cares about me as much as I would like. Sometimes I think almost no one cares about me at all. I think that I'm a nuisance, and I'm a horrible person, and I'm too selfish, and I'm boring, and I'm stupid, and I'm ugly, and I'm immature, and I'm never going to be truly happy, and I complain too much, and I'm too deep and emotional, and sometimes I'm too shallow, and I'm... I just really hate life sometimes.
So right now I feel hopelessly trapped in my own self-pity, and I feel like I'm almost tied to people who I've come to be very close to. Which is bad. I hate feeling this way because it makes me feel weak, and I think they'll leave me, and I'll be stuck with nothing and it will be all my fault.
I also feel the desperate urge to run from everyone I'm close to, just for that very reason. I don't want to become attached and vulnerable.
Oh, God, I just don't know what to do.....
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