Let's start this post bluntly: I am mentally and emotionally disturbed.
I worry constantly about small things I've done in the past and how other people are judging me for every single one of them. I'm always scared that people don't really care about me as much as they say they do and I sometimes have to be told that I'm loved on a regular basis.
While I may seem to be cocky at times (I don't know if I ever act like I am, but just in case), I have an extremely low self-esteem most of the time and I always think that I'm fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, bad at everything I attempt to do, etc. And I don't necessarily enjoy talking about my feelings very often because I'm afraid that whoever I'm talking to will think I'm either self-absorbed, crazy, or scary.
I get lonely very easily and when I get lonely, I think, and when I think, I start telling myself extremely negative things, much like the ones listed above.
And I know I've posted multiple posts about these very same things but no one seems to actually give a shit because as far as I can tell, I'm not getting any better. Maybe someone has been helping, but whatever it is they're doing, it doesn't seem to be working.
So consider this a fair warning - If I reach a point to where I become too scared to let myself get close to anyone, I'm going to start cutting ties, avoiding people, and breaking up, because I'm too Goddamn paranoid to allow myself to be hurt again. If there's anyone who reads these and actually does care enough to help, but is too shy or whatever, just cut the shit. There's no one here who should be nervous about anything, least of all you. I suppose I should say the same to myself, but dammit, I haven't been given any reason why I shouldn't bottle up all my emotions until I create another one of these blathering, whiny posts in order to keep myself from going on a killing spree.
In closing, all I have to say is if you don't want to lose me, then please, for the love of God, do something.
If you couldn't care less, get the fuck off my blog and I guess I'll be seeing you. Or maybe not.
I worry constantly about small things I've done in the past and how other people are judging me for every single one of them. I'm always scared that people don't really care about me as much as they say they do and I sometimes have to be told that I'm loved on a regular basis.
While I may seem to be cocky at times (I don't know if I ever act like I am, but just in case), I have an extremely low self-esteem most of the time and I always think that I'm fat, ugly, stupid, annoying, bad at everything I attempt to do, etc. And I don't necessarily enjoy talking about my feelings very often because I'm afraid that whoever I'm talking to will think I'm either self-absorbed, crazy, or scary.
I get lonely very easily and when I get lonely, I think, and when I think, I start telling myself extremely negative things, much like the ones listed above.
And I know I've posted multiple posts about these very same things but no one seems to actually give a shit because as far as I can tell, I'm not getting any better. Maybe someone has been helping, but whatever it is they're doing, it doesn't seem to be working.
So consider this a fair warning - If I reach a point to where I become too scared to let myself get close to anyone, I'm going to start cutting ties, avoiding people, and breaking up, because I'm too Goddamn paranoid to allow myself to be hurt again. If there's anyone who reads these and actually does care enough to help, but is too shy or whatever, just cut the shit. There's no one here who should be nervous about anything, least of all you. I suppose I should say the same to myself, but dammit, I haven't been given any reason why I shouldn't bottle up all my emotions until I create another one of these blathering, whiny posts in order to keep myself from going on a killing spree.
In closing, all I have to say is if you don't want to lose me, then please, for the love of God, do something.
If you couldn't care less, get the fuck off my blog and I guess I'll be seeing you. Or maybe not.
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